Dad Guide: How to Pretend to Sleep

Image of arm sticking out of bed coveres with text Dad Guide: How to Pretend to Be Asleep

How to Pretend to Sleep

Are you a faker?

Do you ever pretend to sleep?

Pretend Sleeping for Parents

This is an essential skill for any parent. It is useful on several levels. When you are a new parent and your baby cries in the night, there will be nights when you have no interest in getting out of bed. You may be so tired you can't figure out how to make your body work to get you out of bed. You may feel like you just finished putting the kid to sleep or perhaps you have to get up and go to work in the morning. Regardless of your excuse or how valid it is, it is important to know how to fake sleep until your partner - who is probably also fake sleeping - gives in and goes to deal with the baby.

When your kids are older, they will come in to wake you up, or at least peek into your room to see if you are asleep. If you hope to remain in bed, even for just another five minutes, pretending to sleep will help to buy you time. Once you have teenagers, they will be the ones doing the pretending prior to climbing out their second story window and repelling down the outside of the house to go to the party you said they couldn't attend. Being a master-level pretend sleeper will help you to spot when your teen is fake-sleeping. This will enable you to set up the motion-sensor lights and alarm system to catch them in the act of escaping.

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Pretend Sleeping Facts

Several newspapers in 2014 reported on a study apparently done by Huggies DryNights that indicated that 56% of fathers in the UK reported pretending to sleep to avoid dealing with a kid in the night. I'd link to the study if I could. Unfortunately I can find no evidence online that the study actually happened. There doesn't appear to be a comparable study - real or fake - for how often mothers pretend to be asleep. That gives me complete creative license to give you some real facts. Parents of all genders pretend to sleep at fairly equal rates. Dads get away with it more often. Of course that doesn't mean that you should skip out on your parenting duties. Just make sure you give in and go to your crying child at least 50% of the time.

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  1. Funny stuff.
    My kids are a bit older. I was not good at the middle of the night thing. My wife was much more sensitive to it. I think I was pretty good at pretend sleeping.